I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
