i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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