I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
