Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
