Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
