I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
