Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
