remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
