well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
