she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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