watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
