For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
