so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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