What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
