Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
