So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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