explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
