never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
