sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Houston, we have a blender
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
