k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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