That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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