I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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