Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
