There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
