Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
