The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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