If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
