I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
