ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
