were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
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I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
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Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Im part way to drunk.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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