If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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