He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
