he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
