It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
