Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
