A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
