I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
