I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
