i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So many bounce houses so little time
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
