she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
