Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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