I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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