worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
