it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
