he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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