Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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