if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
