K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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