Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
