I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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