alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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