super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I woke up under a house in Key West
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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