(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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