I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
