I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
