The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
