Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
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Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
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You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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