my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
