Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
