my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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