its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
