i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
