Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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