My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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