when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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