apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My breasts were aching with rage.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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