It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize
