Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
