You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
