he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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