i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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