yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
