I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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