i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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