There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
