The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
