i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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